“Lightening Up With Jan”
Resident Jan Marshall is a Humorologist, award-winning author, and humor columnist for adults and aspirational books for children.
BEING LEFT HANDED IS SPECIAL
SO… Did you miss the Left Handed Day on Tuesday’s celebration?
It’s still not too late to buy a gift!
Michelangelo was one and so was Leonardo da Vinci. Ben Franklin admitted to it, though not to me. Madame Curie, Babe Ruth were as were many of our favorite presidents. Paul McCartney and John McEnroe and many other talented people were lefties.
Nevertheless, left-handed people have been unjustly maligned. It must end now.
It has been said left-handed people are intelligent, witty, sensual, and far superior to those of the other persuasion.
All right, so I’m the one who said it. That doesn’t mean the statement is invalid, just exaggerated.
During prehistoric times, virtually half the cave people must have been lefties, or why would tools like hammers, knives, and arrows be ambidextrous?
When Neanderthals tapped their girlfriends on the head to flirt they must have been either-handed, or romance would not have fared enough to show on our Ancestry search.
There has always been prejudice against those who did not conform to what was considered “right.”
Children who wrote with their left hand were immediately forced to change. This produced many people who stuttered or were too embarrassed to talk. Fortunately, I was not one of those, much to my family’s chagrin.
Because I was not permitted to peacefully continue using my left hand, I have lousy handwriting. Had it not been for the fact that editors insist on typewritten manuscripts, I would be unemployed. Incidentally are you aware the most important letters on the keyboard are on the left side, including the $ sign?
The lefties with the best humor include Charlie Chaplin, Harpo Marx, the richest like Bill Gates and a most loved one, Oprah.
What I’m getting to is this: Being a southpaw is nothing to be ashamed of.
Old cultures appreciated this. The Chinese and Hebrews write from right to left. Egyptians, on the other hand, wrote up and down or left to right, so it does or doesn’t prove my point.
We must reform our vocabulary, which is totally one-sided.
From now on, a left-handed compliment means the utmost praise.
Getting up on the left side of the bed means that sunshine is your copilot.
And, of course, being left at the altar can be an act of kindness.
Lefties, unite! Write congress. Demand a Bill of Lefts.
We ARE the chosen people.
JUST THINK: why is the gallbladder on the right side, when removed, nobody misses. But ponder this. What special area (on your left side) is designated for the body’s real superstar!
Need I say more?
I HEART ❤️ YOU!
The End
