Unemployed

Jan Marshall

“Lightening Up With Jan”

Resident Jan Marshall is a Humorologist, award-winning author, and humor columnist for adults and aspirational books for children.

Beautiful thin long legged blonde seeking employment-oh excuse me, that’s someone else.

Let’s start again- Short chunky brunette is soon to be unemployed. Yup. That’s me.

I will be out of a job and technology is to blame.

Self driving cars are a reality.

Exactly how they will maneuver without me it is too soon to say.

I am a professional back seat driver though my actual location has always been sitting in front, next to the human navigator.

It is not any easy task as I have to be conscientious and able to instruct my partner, prompting him to keep his eyes on the road ahead.

I see myself as director of traffic and any other people in their naivete who deem that none of my business are irresponsible, as I see it as me helping my small area of humanity to be cautious and safe when I badger them with

“You’re driving too slow”

“You’re driving too fast.”

“Keep your eyes on the road.”

“Stop looking at the babe in the bikini.”

“Oh boy, you are so naïve.”

“That is not her real nose”

“Or breasts.”

“Or teeth.”

“She’s probably a Hollywood starlet”

“Oops, is that a Kardashian?”

I do remember that one time when evidently someone’s prayers were answered or was it a dream?

I heard someone whisper, “Jan, sleep with the windows open. Snow and wind are improving your nagging skills” and then… I had laryngitis and couldn’t speak.

On the following day in the car, he checked his ears to make sure his hearing aid was turned on, then because of the eerie silence, started to turn back thinking he left me at home.

Since this could happen or something even more dire once these job-killing self-driving vehicles become more popular which would make my vital contribution to the world obsolete, I asked my in-phone assistant Siri for posterity, to record my suggestions for the driver.

First she seemed to be writing my to-do-and-not-do list. Then she stopped and shouted, “You, Jan, are the real reason self driving vehicles were necessary in the first place. Get out of my car!”

It wasn’t Siri’s car but mine. However, since she knows too much and can ruin my life if she revealed any of it, I signed over ownership to her.

So…I had to hitchhike back to Heritage Pointe.

When I am safe and out of her control, I am switching to Alexa.

I actually even thought of becoming an Uber driver.

Unfortunately, I just learned they too, may be going driverless.

So for that reason and what I found out late last night while returning from my usual bar hopping, I am currently looking for an OFF THE ROAD gig obviously, with good reason because…. 👇🏼